Friday, March 27, 2009

Oh dont' ask me how nationals went. It was a disaster. I screwed up. Or my legs screwed up. Whichever. We came in team 5th and my individual position was most probably past 100.>< Everyone says it's not my fault that we didn't get a team medal. But I say it is. How come last year I could do it? Wasn't my leg just a little less bad? Didn't it hurt damn badly as well? But I still gritted my teeth and ran through it. What's wrong with me this year?! Could I have pushed it? Would I have made a difference? I really have no idea. Maybe I shouldn't have run this year. Maybe I should have given others a chance. Maybe, I knew deep down that I wouldn't have made it this year. Maybe that was why I was motivating the others. I was motivating myself. Maybe that was why I told everyone to pray for me. I was unsure if I would make it. I've let everyone down, carrots, mr quek, myself.
I still feel like having interval training. I still feel like nationals hasnt come. I havent achieved anything from all the past trainings since I came back to train. Apart from a pain in my left leg. Where's my cdiv medal?! I'm never gonna get it now. Never. Fuck my leg, why does it have to be so effing lousy?!! Why is it always my legs getting injured and all screwed up?!
Okay, I went out for dinner and now I'm back. I should stop being so pissed at myself eh? Any suggestions as to what I can do so that next year's nationals won't be such a disaster? .__. I want my bdiv medal.

what we could have been, 7:12 PM.